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Lying Ė How it begins in Children
Of all the various behavioral disorders that can affect a child, the worst are the delinquency acts. Acts like lying, stealing truancy and sexual offences. They are the most difficult to accept or to deal with and require extremely sensitive handling.
But before we term a particular
child a liar, we must be sure that the child is actually lying and it
is not just his overactive imagination at work. Very often the child
could have thought that a particular thing had happened even though
this is not actually the case, but this does not necessarily mean that
he is lying. He could have even had a realistic dream that he believes
to be true like a robber coming into his bedroom or maybe even a dog
or a cat. To us these might seem like little lies, but to him, with
his limited experiences and different perceptions might be very real
Donít brand your child a Liar!
Most children normally express what they feel very genuinely. It may seem like an overly exaggerated story or even a lie and then the child gets misunderstood and branded a liar. Be careful here because this would only serve to stunt his entire emotional development. If you can not show him trust then he will ultimately lose confidence in himself and grow into a highly complexed individual.
Once this mistrust sets in,
things only get worse when the parents ask his siblings or friends to
verify what the child may have said. Or else some parents tend to put
their child down in public saying that no one should believe his
exaggerated stories. If this sort of attitude continues, then the
child begins to doubt his own abilities for understanding events or
situations and feels that he can not distinguish between fact and
fiction. Then he will gradually withdraw into a shell for fear of his
disabilities (as he perceives it) being further exposed or being
called a liar once again. Can you imagine what is happening to him on
an emotional level?
Lying begins with overly high expectations from parents
Let us get one thing clear at this point. No child is a born liar. Nor does lying come naturally to a child until and unless he or she is forced into it. No parent would knowingly force a child into this kind of behaviour, but when a parent is too rigid or strict, the child feel pressurized to do anything to please him or her. If he feels that he has done something, which might not even be wrong, but he believes would anger his parents, then he would try his best to cover up the facts so as not to upset them. And then the first time he gets away with it, it simply encourages him to try it again and again until it becomes a habit or even second nature.
Finally after a few months, if
he happens to make a slip out of overconfidence, he is found out and
branded a liar. But, by this stage it is too late as he is already an
expert and is habituated to avoid punishment or even lie for no real
reason or any kind of gain. So it is important to nip this habit in
the bud and not let it get out of hand, as once the child is
accustomed to taking the easy way out, there is no stopping him.
is definitely better than cure
Parents start with White Lies
Some parents unknowingly
encourage their children to indulge in white lies for their own
convenience. Let us take the example of Mr. Sampat who was trying to
avoid a client by staying at home and calling in sick. He asked his
wife to call the office for him. And of course his little daughter was
there, quietly observing the whole situation. But it got worse when
the telephone rang and Mr. Sampat asked his daughter to pick up the
phone and say that her daddy was sleeping. Naturally the child would
grow up to think that it is not absolutely necessary to be honest all
the time and lies seem perfectly harmless.
Harmless exaggeration can quickly lead to a bad habit
Children even tend to indulge
in white lies when they want to show-off in front of their peer group.
They might give an exaggerated account of their own travels or of the
gifts that they have received from their parents just so that they can
seem one up on their friends. This kind of lying seems harmless to
start with, but if not corrected it could become a bad habit and lead
the child to lose trust not only in himself but in everyone else as
well. He automatically assumes that the others around him must be
doing the same thing so he is suspicious of everything that he is
told. This basic lack of trust in every one and everything around him,
including himself tends to weaken his character and stunt his personal
Parental change in attitude is all that is required
Lying is one of the few
behavioral disorders that can be completely avoided by the correct
parental attitudes and the right upbringing of the child. So make sure
that you bring up your little one without unnecessary pressures and
with lots of love, understanding and compassion.
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